Boom Boom
Help for teens is something a lot of well-to-do parents will have to deal with so if you're the parent of a tween, enjoy it while you can. The Hanna Montana pajamas and the "my dad is great" chants will quickly be replaced by chants of "Daddy, you can't tell me what to do!" When my oldest seventeen year old daughter gets upset and emotional, her voice will rise three octaves. These shrill notes will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention and they are a sure sign a heated argument is about to follow. One heated argument in particular, her voice was so high that it was capable of breaking wine glasses, and once again it was over the usual--boyfriend problems. Boom, boom, boom is the sound she made as the heel of her feet alerted everyone in the house that she was not happy that I threw her boyfriend out of my house (again). As he was going out of the door, I noticed her face boil over with frustration, resentment, and bitterness.
It was is at this point I could feel the temples in my head start to bang like bongo drums. These arguments lead me to search for answers. I Googled "help for teens", talked to my mother, and read books on the subject. The answers didn't come immediately--the fights continued. If I notice the oncoming train wreck before "collision", I may be able to avoid it by counting to ten, although sometimes I have to extend this to the count of 20. More often than not, this run away train described as a 5'1, 121lbs, sweet, and innocent teenager will smash head on into what's left of my parenting acumen. And so I found myself needing help for my teenager.
After Mr. Perfect, also known as the boyfriend was pulling out of my driveway she started throwing verbal punches--"Daddy, I don't never want to do anything with this family again!" That harsh, sharp, acrimonious blow to the belly was preceded by my innocent question of " does anyone want to play Monopoly? Shortly after that, she went into a full nuclear meltdown about how life was unfair, about how I don't understand her situation, about how much she loves him, and then came the statement that all parents dread-"I'm leaving here as soon as I can." After trying my best to calm her down by explaining to her that I don't have anything against her boyfriend besides he eats all my food, spends a great of time horizontally on my couch barefooted, uses my expensive laptop, and he destroys my grass by driving on the curb (besides all this he a great kid)
Although I would to wake up tomorrow and hear that he all of a sudden decided to move to China--I know that's wishful thinking. She loves him, so with tongue in check, I love him. For this reason I must watch my words carefully with him, because his perceived love of 1.5 years is more than 18 years of unconditional love from me. I'm not resentful, for I know this is common. I'm like the majority of well to do parents: I want what's best for my daughter, I want her to get a good quality education, I want her to meet a good guy and get married, I want her to have a nice car, and maybe 2.5 kids. But somewhere along the long windy road of parentville, I lost it! I lost the magic. While I try to figure out where I lost it, how I lost it, and the big one-can I get it back? I have learned to deal with what comes my way with calmness of a mountain.
I've learned to look at the man in the mirror and to control my own reactions. One thing that she has taught me is to not try and run her life. Running her life isn't an option. I've learned that I should provide her with guidance and to lead by example. We are not our kids; their mistakes are not our mistakes. It took me a long time to get my current realization.
Help for teens -- there are tons of information out there on the subject. But where it starts is on the inside. As parents we must understand that it is our wisdom that will guide us through. Our teens will follow our lead, but it is up to us to lead.
Help for teens is possible, and I was pushed to my breaking point with my daughter before I discovered alternatives [http://www.helpforteensonline.com]
Marcus A. Leverett is the father of three beautiful teens. He enjoys roller coasters, spending time with his family, and is a Tennessee Titan's fan.
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