Elvis Costello
Sometimes it happens that the person you fall in love with is many years older or younger than you. Although there is not an official age difference that defines a May-December romance, its definition is that it is a relationship where the age difference "is greater than what is socially the norm." On the low end of the scale people start to consider May-December as a ten year age gap, but when a fifteen year gap is reached, nearly everyone defines the relationship this way.
There are many statistics about how the success rates of relationships with big age differences compare to those with minimal age gaps. These numbers tend to be very misleading. Relationships do not exist in a vacuum, and the other factors that typically affect May-December romances also need to be considered before we conclude that these relationships are destined to fail. These same factors reduce the odds of any relationship surviving even if there is not a large age difference.
For example, when there is a big age gap it is likely that one person has been married before while the other has not. It is also more likely that one person will have children while the other does not. These are large hurdles for any couple to overcome. Also, the less you have in common with someone the harder it is to make a relationship work, and having a large age difference does mean that there are certain things you will not have in common.
If your love interest is many years older or younger than you, then you are sure to have some issues that you will need to overcome. Your friends and family are likely to bring up the same arguments that have always plagued these relationships. The following list contains the most common criticisms of relationships with big age differences so that you can be prepared for these attacks.
o Health Argument- Probably the first argument that your mother will mention. You're going to be caring for him or her when you're still in your prime, and your mama thinks that you deserve better. Of course you will argue that any one of us could be hit by a car tomorrow, which will leave the argument at a standoff.
o "Ick" Argument- This is one you'll hear from friends, but it is truly in the eye of the beholder. When Katie Holmes talks about having a Tom Cruise poster when she was 8 years old some say "Ick" and some say "who cares he's still hot?" On the flip side, some think "Ick" knowing Ashton Kutcher was 11 when Demi Moore had her first baby, while others shout "So what, he's legal now!"
o Social Reference Faux Pas- At some point one of you will say something wrong because your ages have different reference factors. For example, depending on your age you may associate the name Elvis with Elvis Presley, Elvis Costello, or the dog of one of the Jonas Brothers. A slip up with a social reference factor is just part of the territory in these relationships.
o "You'll Lose Your Friends" Argument- There is some merit to this argument. Along the way you will both lose some friends as a result of this relationship. If you're older you will certainly find that some of his or her friends are too immature to be around. If you're younger you are bound to find that some of his or her friends are too boring to be around.
So, if you are dating someone and there is a big age gap, then it is likely that you will face all of these challenges at some point in your relationship. Like all relationships, there are some people that we feel are worth overcoming challenges for and some that are not. If the arguments that you'll get from friends and family don't scare you away, then you may have what it takes to make a May-December relationship last.
Tina Tobin is a writer, blogger and creator of the women's relationship advice site LuvEmOrLeavem.com where all advice is centered around the question "Should she love him or leave him?"
To give or get relationship advice or to place your vote of "Luvem" or "Leavem" visit http://www.LuvemOrLeavem.com
To read Advice Maven's Relationship Blog visit http://www.luvem-leavem.blogspot.com
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