Fela Kuti
Though we quarrel a lot, Femi (real name) and I have been friends from secondary school. As a matter of fact, we just finished talking on phone. Recently, we had another little freaky quarrel that really got me thinking afterwords. He came in to my house, met me on a meal, and accused me of not inviting him to eat.
"I didn't know you were coming, so I prepared the meal that will be enough just for me. Besides, why will you come and visit without notifying me... what if you don't meet me at home or something?" I asked.
"Do I now write applications before coming to see you?" he protested, wearing a devilish freaky look. "You are only mad because you know I will eat out of this nice-looking rice and plantain, no matter what you say," he continued while he took a spoon and plunged it into my plate. Soon, we both began to struggle for the last piece of meat. The most annoying part is, no matter what I said, Femi thinks I'm the one with a big problem. "You were supposed to invite me to eat in the first place" he maintained.
If you are from this part of the world, the story above will not amuse you. That scenario is only a typical daily nothing. I wouldn't be worried if not that Femi's point about inviting him to my meal is in fact a valid argument in our society. I was expected to. Actually, I don't have problem with sharing, but I do with why everyone thinks it is wrong not to invite unsolicited/unexpected visitor to a meal already prepared before they came. However, that is the least of my concerns.
We are a people of sick culture built upon dependency, ignorance and hypocrisy. If a young man of 20 decides to move out of his parent's home and live on his own, he is considered a rebel. At 35, no one sees anything wrong with him staying in the "family house."
If he finally decides to get married, usually from about the age of 35 years, it becomes a huge project for family and friends.
Everyone donates money for him to throw a ridiculously expensive wedding. It is an unpardonable offense for a friend or family member not to attend. And when they do, they just come and eat as if it's their last super, leaving the newly wedded couple to grapple in overwhelming debts that might eventually destroy their new home. The amusing part is that they are expected to stay married even when they are emotionally divorced. No one cares.
A relative or two decides to move in with them in their new home, and stays indefinitely. No prior notice given, No prior notice required. Unfortunately, no one complains. No one must - especially the wife. That is just the way things are done. Isn't it sad that "What will people say?" is our first concern when we want to do anything?
We are a people whose greatest strength weakness is "contentment". Our definition of contentment however is bizarre; it is being totally dissatisfied and not complaining. Despite huge corruption, sick leadership, dysfunctional amenities, crumbled education and a million other reasons to cry out, everyone goes about smiling. "After all, when there is life there is hope." we say, consoling ourselves. What Fela Kuti call, "suffering and smiling." Nobody talks. And when we do, we say all the wrong things, except the real subject of concern!
We are good at chasing the shadows, leaving the real substance. No one seems to care about the source of a problem. We murmur, we blab, we gossip. That's all we do!
I was dazed the other day when I saw "National Association of Unemployed Graduates" on the news. What a shame! "The government is not creating jobs" they claim, forgetting that it's not the government who is starving. Everyone simply seek others to blame for their misfortune. It's almost a reflex action. When will people start to accept responsibility for their own lives?
Our educational institutions only produce clueless zombies whose livelihoods are determined by being on others payrolls. Even as university graduates, most are unemployable. There is zero initiative and creativity. Little wonder NO invention is traceable to Africa!
Yes we are religious. No one can take that away from us. We have more churches than schools and our people win international Islamic competitions year in and year out, yet our society suffers unthinkable heinous evils. Who are the perpetrators? One can only wonder what is taught in the "holy houses."
At this point I had to unleash all the self-control I could to stop this write up from turning into an encyclopedia of cultural sickness. The good news is there is a solution. But I'm afraid it might not be effective, not because it's not potent, but because most of us do not think we have problems in the first place and many will not even bother to read. But because you read to this point, I assume you are one of the few who indeed relish knowledge.
The cure is simple; become the captain of your own life. Accept responsibility for your actions and reactions. Don't look for who to blame when things are not working, rather, look for ways to make things work. Above all, learn how to be yourself. You can't just stand there and watch things fall apart. Mahatma Gandhi said it all, "Be the change you want to see in the world".
GIDEON Bankolé is the founder/CEO of Unstopabbles International. He is an artist, entrepreneur, business consultant and writer who believes life is an art and every waking moment must be lived in style without losing touch on individuality, creativity and humanity. "Some people find me crazy, others, amazing; but I'm categorically unconventional. I figured I can only be the best by being myself."
Read more articles by GIDEON Bankolé on his personal website, http://gideonbankole.com
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