Reba Mcentire
Several years ago, I created the acronym Live, Dream and Thrive to capture the essence of my convictions as a clinical psychologist. I have revisited this acronym with renewed enthusiasm in recent weeks in preparation for my role as leader of the annual sisterhood retreat at the KKBE synagogue in downtown Charleston. This column is to be the first in a series of three, where the intricacies of my Live, Dream and Thrive motto will be explored beginning with the first step-"live".
What does it mean to you to thoroughly and lavishly "live" rather than to merely exist? Does it mean to fit into your skinny jeans or satisfy your lustful craving for carbohydrates with a decadent slice of coconut cake at Penninsula Grill? Is it a perfect swing under sunny skies on the rolling greens or a stroll through the aisles at Costco munching on free samples? Is it a miraculous age erasing facial moisturizer, the fastest car, or the largest house on the block? Is it a spectacular sunset or a summer thunderstorm? Is it when your spouse remembers to wipe around the bathroom sink after washing or when the kids finally leave the nest? Is it a sweaty hour on the yoga mat or a safari adventure? Only you know what it means to "live". Personally, I feel most alive stepping onto foreign soil- the more remote, exotic and tropical the locale the more alive I feel.
The question of the day is this: are you "living" the life you were meant to live, or are you merely living? In a prior column I discussed the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic forces live deep within us and have a powerful impact on the quality of our lives. Extrinsic forces consume much of our time and energy but their influence on our lives is often superficial and fleeting. The intrinsic forces are the instincts and passions that define us and make us special and unique, but often remain tragically untapped for an entire lifetime. The extrinsic forces are the entities outside the realm of the self (materialism, possessions, social status) that too often guide human behavior. It is impossible to "live" authentically without a good, solid grasp on the intrinsic forces that live deep within the soul.
My acronym "live" stands for "Listen" to the answers within, "Identify" areas where energy is blocked, "Visualize" the life you want to live, and "Eliminate" mental noise and chaos. The answers exist within all of us, and we hold the key to their infinite wisdom. It is important to have faith, believe in your intuitive power and listen to your inner voice. Before solving a problem, you must admit that a problem in fact exists; before restoring a sense of internal balance you must sense the imbalance. Blocked energy is either untapped energy or energy flowing in the wrong direction, as in the case of the soccer mom/retired interior designer who craves the exhilaration of her former artistic endeavors and uses compulsive shopping to cope with a chronic sense of boredom.
It is necessary to identify the areas where your core energy is blocked to unleash and redirect the energy towards your deepest passions. Only you know where your energy needs to flow. It is imperative to be brutally honest with yourself about how, when, and why certain aspects of your life have fallen out of balance and to visualize new and improved outcomes. This process requires quiet reflection and powerful soul searching to reach a new state of enlightenment. It is impossible to hear the answers within amidst the clatter of mental noise and chaos. Past regrets and future concerns clutter the mind and leave people vulnerable to external gratification and quick fixes. When your life is based on extrinsic motivators and your happiness is dependent on forces that lie outside of your direct control, you are no longer living your life with authenticity and harmony- you are merely living.
Remember, your life is really a collection of now moments, and there is never going to be a moment in your life that is not right now. The majority of things you are worried, preoccupied or regretful about have either already happened or might never occur, and while you spend your time clinging to the past or rushing into the future, you are missing the present moment. How do you stop this painful cycle and begin to "live" rather than merely exist day to day?
First, identify a primary area of your life where your energy is blocked or you perceive an imbalance, or lack of alignment between your core values and the manner in which you are living that aspect of your life. I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and be honest with yourself- the more effort you put into this process the greater the rewards will be. The next step is to enter into a state of quiet reflection to visualize a new and improved way of being, thinking and feeling. This is the essence of dreaming, and dreaming lays the groundwork for thriving. Tune into the next edition to learn more about the process of dreaming.
Consider the following recipe for success by Reba McEntire: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone. The business of life is really quite simple, so dare yourself to dream, fight for those dreams and remember to laugh at yourself along the way.
Risa Mason is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Charleston, S.C. She specializes in guiding people towards inner peace and fulfillment by teaching them how to live, dream and thrive. You may contact her for individual or group coaching, or public speaking engagements at 843-769-0444, risamason68@comcast.net or http://www.risamason.com
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