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Elizabeth Adeney, a rather formidable business woman, ignited a controversy when she became Britain's oldest mother recently at the age of sixty-six. At first glance, the immediate reaction may be...what was she thinking? But as a birth and postpartum doula as well as a mum, who has had children in my 20s, 30s and 40s, I think that while unusual and not for everyone the idea has some merit.
My neighbor and I discussed it yesterday as we watched my daughter and her grandchildren play in the park. I will be forty-four this week and she is over fifty. We both lamented the fact that at our ages we were better mothers than in our twenties. With maturity and life experience have come patience and a more understanding as well. She was the first person since this controversy broke over a month ago that agrees with me that it is not as crazy as it sounds.
I think it is no coincidence that we are both women approaching menopause. The truth is though that the face of aging is changing. Our peers are women such as Madonna and Demi Moore, who like the generation before them of Farrah Fawcett, Tina Turner and Cher, simply refuse to grow old gracefully. Growing older no longer necessarily means that we must throw out our mini-skirts and wedges in favor of house dresses and orthopedic shoes. We will dye it, lift it and tuck it for as long as we can.
But it is not just women either. Older persons (what is that anyway? 40? 50? 60?) are remaining active in both their professional and personal lives well past what would have been the actual life expectancy of their forefathers and mothers. The age of mandatory retirement in the US has risen over the past decade; mostly out of necessity due to an overburdened social security system. The UK is making similar discussions. People well into their seventies and eighties are sky diving, traveling the world and even marrying.
Of course, the nay-sayers have valid points as well; primarily what would become of the child should the mother die and how will she find the energy to care for the child. The latter of these questions though seems to have been answered by the fact that she has hired a nanny to help out. Being a private person, Ms. Adeney refuses to answer the media criticism, but I think it is fair to assume that the founder and CEO of a multi-million pound business would take the same care planning for a child as she would for her business. I think she will have considered that eventuality and made arrangements for the continued care of her child. It is fair to point out that none of us have any guarantees; even young mothers such as Jade Goody die, leaving behind very young children.
In addition to the patience and understanding that often comes with age, older mothers may also have more time with their children. While she continues to own and run her business, it is likely that she will retire at some point; allowing her more time with her child without the financial sacrifices that man younger people make to be stay-at-home mums. Which brings up, the second advantage...she has the financial means to give her child stability. For instance, she is using her money to pay for a nanny to compensate for any diminished energy that may be the result of her age.
I am not stating an opinion on this particular case; given that I (nor anyone else) do not have enough information to make a judgment. I do think that the idea of older women, who may have made great sacrifices in their 20s, 30s and even 40s to build their careers and financial stability, now using the benefits of technology to extend the childbearing age and enjoy motherhood later in life has some merit. As a firm advocate of birth choice for my clients, I see my opinion on this matter as a mere extension of that...the choice to have children when they are ready. Would I serve as a doula to such a woman? Undoubtedly. Would I consider such a thing myself? Possibly. But I am afraid that as with so many other things in our modern world, technology has advanced beyond our mere human capacity to exhibit empathy and keep open minds.
Terri is the mother of six; 3 caesareans, 2 VBACs and an adoption. She has over fifteen years breastfeeding experience as well as peer supporter training with two organisations. Terri has completed the Childbirth Educator, Birth & Post-partum Doula certificates with Childbirth International. In addition, she also holds a BS in health education from Texas A&M University.
To sign-up for her monthly e-newsletter featuring her latest articles on pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and parenting; visit her website: Special start Birth [http://www.specialstartbirth.com/Enquiry_form.html].
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Tina Turner - Private Dancer 1984
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